Christian Marriage: A Journey of Love and Mission (BJYT017)

Christian Marriage: A Journey of Love and Mission

(By Dr. Edwrd Edezath - Session for JY Germany on Nov 20, 2021)

1. A Journey, Not a Trap

Many people at some point in their married life begin to wonder, “Is this what I expected?” What began with romance and excitement can sometimes feel like a trap or a routine. But perhaps what has really changed is not love itself—but our stage in the journey of love. Marriage is not a static state; it is a lifelong pilgrimage of two unique individuals growing into one.

In the Gospel of Mark (10:1–12), Jesus reminds us of God’s original design for marriage, quoting Genesis:

“God made them male and female… and the two shall become one flesh.”

Unity here is not uniformity, nor even equality in the modern sense—it is complementarity. Husband and wife remain distinct, yet are drawn together in a spiritual, exclusive, and indissoluble bond forged by God Himself. What God has joined, no civil or religious authority can separate.

Each marriage is a unique reflection of this divine mystery. Like every soul’s journey with God, no two families are alike.


2. The Stages of Love

Every couple moves through seasons:

  1. Attraction and fascination – the joy of discovery.

  2. Confronting realities – differences surface.

  3. Dialoguing and sorting out – learning to see the other.

  4. Acceptance – choosing love despite imperfection.

  5. Positive building – nurturing joy and gratitude.

  6. Mission together – finding meaning in shared service and life.

True love matures as it passes through these stages, deepening from excitement to dedication.


3. What Is the Opposite of Love?

It is not hate, says Holocaust survivor and writer Elie Wiesel, but indifference.

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.”

Many couples today suffer not from conflict, but from quiet alienation—the slow cooling of interest and attention. The opposite of love is not anger but apathy, not disagreement but distance.

Love, as Jesus teaches in Luke 6:27–28, is an active verb:

“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”

Loving always involves struggle, prayer, positive speech, and concrete acts of goodness.


4. Freedom and the Art of Loving

Are we freer before marriage or after it?

Philosopher Erich Fromm, in The Art of Loving, said that mature love requires four essential qualities:

  1. Care – seeking the other’s good.

  2. Responsibility – standing by the other.

  3. Respect – honoring the other’s individuality.

  4. Knowledge – understanding who the other truly is.

He wrote, 

“Being able to be alone is the condition for being able to love.”

In other words, only a person secure in himself or herself can give freely to another.

Christ’s own command defines the Christian couple’s witness:

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (Jn 13:35).


5. From Conflict to Communion

Every couple fights. The question is not whether we fight, but how.

Unresolved conflict leads to bitterness; honest communication leads to growth. A healthy marriage learns to “fight fair” — focusing on the issue, not the person.

Some simple rules help:

  • Don’t fight to win, but to understand.

  • Never fight in front of others.

  • Take a time-out when emotions rise.

  • Focus on one topic at a time.

  • Use “I feel” statements instead of accusations.

  • For every negative word, offer five affirmations (5:1 rule).

Remember: the aim is not to prove who’s right, but to build us together.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church (1601–1603) describes marriage as:

“A partnership of the whole of life… ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring.”
God Himself is the author of marriage, and “the well-being of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life.”


6. The Path to Acceptance

Every couple goes through the emotional stages that psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified in her model of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

Marriage often requires us to grieve our illusions, to accept that our spouse is not perfect, and to discover the joy of real love that grows through forgiveness.

Acceptance is not resignation; it is the mature recognition that love is a daily choice.


7. Skills for Growing in Love

To nurture this covenant, couples must learn the skills of love:

  1. Openness – to change and surprises.

  2. Listening – with ears, eyes, and heart.

  3. Unconditional acceptance – patient waiting, forgiveness, endurance.

  4. Dialogue – honest sharing and mutual understanding.

  5. Positivity and playfulness – joy is the lifeblood of love.

  6. Celebration – cherish small moments together.

  7. Stillness – be present in silence and companionship.

  8. Shared mission – in children, community, and Church life.

A couple united in love and mission reflects Christ’s own self-giving love for the Church.


8. The Goal of the Journey

“So they are no longer two but one flesh.” (Mt 19:6)

This unity is not automatic. Families struggle with finances, relationships with parents, addictions, and endless demands of modern life. But when a husband and wife fix their eyes on their ultimate goal—eternity—their daily struggles take on sacred meaning.

Marriage becomes a path to holiness: a mutual pilgrimage where each helps the other grow toward heaven.


Exercise for Couples

Reflect together:

  1. What are some areas where real conflicts arise in our life?

  2. How do we handle them?

  3. Where is God inviting us to grow in love?

In Closing

Love is not a feeling to preserve, but a relationship to nurture. Every marriage is a workshop where two imperfect people learn to love perfectly. As Pope Francis once said, 

“Marriage is a daily work, a craftsmanship of love.”

When a couple grows in love, the whole community grows with them.


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